33 Things I've Learned in 33 Years

LifestyleOther

Mar 20

This is not meant as advice. It’s really just a list of things I’ve learned, some of which I wish I learned sooner, some of which I’ve invested a lot of time and money in therapy trying to figure out, and some of which has been passed down to me as advice from other, much, much smarter people. So on the occasion of my 33rd birthday (which was this Monday), I’m going to use this space to reflect a bit on some of those lessons. Literally none of this is groundbreaking, and much of it is totaaaally obvious (especially in retrospect), but maybe it will be helpful, and maybe not. In any case, here we are:

1. No one has it all figured out. Seriously. All any of us can do is our best.

2. ...that applies to self-love, too. Self love is a journey. There are good days, there are bad days. The goal is to have the good days outweigh the bad and treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion that we extend to those around us.

3. Wash your face every damn night. Moisturize every damn day. Doesn’t matter how tired you are.

4. It’s v cool to be kind. 😎

5. Drink water. Lots of it!!! (Preferably out of a reusable bottle because the earth depends on it.)

6. Traveling with a sports bra, and not an underwire, is a huge upgrade. I literally can’t believe how many cross country flights I’ve suffered through.

7. Work doesn’t have to be your entire life. It can, and hopefully is, a fulfilling part of your life - but it definitely doesn’t have to be your entire life.

8. Not all doctors are completely competent when it comes to fat bodies/queer bodies/“othered” bodies. You might need to be your own strongest advocate at times, and no, it’s not fair, and yes, it is exhausting.

9. Without going into a whole stream of consciousness on the power of gratitude, I’ll say meditation has changed my life and my outlook on most things. 30 seconds, 3 minutes, or 30 minutes - whatever I can carve out, will do. (If you need help starting, I'm a fan of the Happy Not Perfect app).

10. Okay but ALSO, on gratitude: start or end each day with a list of things you’re grateful for. Even if it’s just like, in your head. Or in a text. Or out loud to your dog.

11. Put the phone down. You’re not going to miss much happening on there. You might miss a lot happening around you in real life. Flip side of the same: try not to judge others who have a hard time putting the phone down; they might have their reasons, as have you, at times.

12. Grief is not a singular event. Also, it sucks a lot. But it comes and goes in waves, and will hit when you least expect or anticipate it; the best thing I’ve learned to do with that is to be kind and patient with myself.

13. Heartbreak, like grief, is not a singular event - and it’s likely something you’ll encounter (as I have) many times - in romantic relationships, in friendships, over a pair of shoes you were lusting over but which end up being a half size too small (we’ve all been there, right? Just me...?)

14. ...and it’ll pass. And you’ll heal. And you’ll know when it’s time to move on.

15. When it comes to olive oil, get the good shit.

16. Other places it’s worth getting the good shit: a mattress, sushi, tequila (less hangovers, v crucial for post-20s life), bras.

17. Self-care comes in lots of forms, and it's not just about bubble baths and sheet masks. Make your lists. Say no to things. Create a budget. Spend 30 minutes opening up that pile of mail you've been avoiding. All of this, and more, is also self-care.

18. Exercise doesn’t have to be punitive and it also doesn't have to be about weight loss! Yes, growing up it felt like a punishment, but reclaiming work-outs actually feels really fucking good. The most surprising ones for me are how much I absolutely love spinning and barre classes. And Pilates. Get at me with those GOOP-approved, TriBeCa-mom loving work outs.

19. Your relationship status doesn’t have to define you. It’s not a determination of your worth, your value, or your desirability. Period.

20. Asking for help is really hard, but it’s something I wish I had learned to do sooner. I’ve spent the majority of my life not needing anything from anyone; self sufficiency and independence was something I wore with pride... but I’ve learned that it’s something I’ve done to armor and shield myself, to make myself less of a burden on those around me, and to avoid feeling hurt or disappointed in others. Assessing my needs and learning to ask for support has been life changing and life saving.

21. Having standards isn’t a barrier to intimacy, but it will create a barrier for people who are not meant for you - and that’s a good thing.

22. When things feel really good, don’t feel like you have to go searching for the thing that might be wrong with it. Some things are just, actually, that good.

23. Nothing has to last forever, especially if you don’t want it to.

24. A lot of growth happens when you take a leap of faith -- whether it be in business, in relationships, in life's biggest moments of upheaval. Those moments of vulnerability, of nervousness, of fear, they might be part of the growing pains in creating something truly extraordinary.

25. Boundaries are powerful.

26. When given the choice, choose happy. Interpret this as you wish.

27. There’s a lot you don’t know. Leave the ego behind, open up your mind, and embrace the opportunities to learn and grow.

28. WEAR THE BIKINI. GO TO THE BEACH. TURNS OUT YOU DON’T ACTUALLY HATE IT, YOU’VE JUST CONVINCED YOURSELF YOU DO CAUSE YOU’RE SCARED OF THE BIKINI. Feel the sand and the surf and wear SPF because sunburns aren’t fun.

29. You will, inevitably, disappoint or hurt someone. It’s okay. You’ll survive. They will, hopefully, too. Be accountable, apologize, learn, and move on.

30. Pop music is fun and cool and anyone who gives you shit for liking it doesn't matter!

31. You know what else is cool??? Liking whatever you like!!! With abandon!!!

32. When you’re feeling sad or anxious or irritable revert back to #5. Then reassess.

33. You’re a work in progress. Keep evolving.